Born in to the country of America,
a white freckled son of Irish.
A child of four, born into a calm world.
I am a Indianapolis Hoosier,
a prodigy of where speed and humor is made.
A citizen like all the others, but like none.
I speak English mirthfully; the language of my dreams,
dull or sharp, knowingly placing humor, in my world.
I am sweet, purposely placed, love in my heart.
Strength of my mind, holding all I know.
The language where money isn’t all,
the lyrics of the radio, the crazed moves of dancing.
I am of Irish passion, making history like my ancestors.
I try for you.
I am not Scottish, but the Scott’s are in me, but I can not return.
I am not British, but the Britt’s are in me, no trail of return.
I am not Australian, yet the Aussie’s are in me, no home to find.
I am new, the good old days brought me, my only language is English,
I was born into a calm world, the calm world was born into me.
Zach Moreland
Zach, you've done a nice job of composing an I am poem. I really like the repetition and parallelism towards the end. There are a few grammatical errors though, and the poem would be more powerful if it was separated into stanzas, with each stanza focusing on one specific subject. When writing poetry think quality not quantity, each word should pack a powerful punch, and hopefully cause an emotional reaction in your reader. Overall your summary response has met 3 of the 5 Cs (clear, concise, complete), but a few tweaks here and there would bring it further in the correct and creative categories.
ReplyDeleteZach,
ReplyDeleteGreat poem! I like how in the poem you describe what you look like and a little bit about yourself which is more concrete. Then as the poem goes on you get more abstract and describe more of what is meaningful to you like love, strength. Then you nicely sum up the poem by describing where your ancestry comes from.